who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize