My brain says no but my pants say off.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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