I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
