I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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