glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize