have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
