I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
