Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
