I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
