i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
