I think my vagina is haunted
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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