I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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