My first STD was from a foam party
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
