I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
