im holly from the hills drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize