Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
