mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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