Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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