So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
