was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
