once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
