kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
