genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
