She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
