so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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