I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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