I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
