just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
