Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and she was petting her beer can
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
