Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
