I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
