Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
