What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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