I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You have to summon your inner elephant
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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