the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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