mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
now i know why i became what i already was.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
