didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
