"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
