so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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