i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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