it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
