dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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