someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
