can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize