And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you didnt know i had herpes?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
