So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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