I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
