perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
