I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
