Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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