I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
