He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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