batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize