should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
