My first STD was from a foam party
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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