I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
