Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
