We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
