He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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