last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
