i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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