Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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