I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
