Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize