Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Someone came in the potted fern
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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