The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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