everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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