you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
