You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
