watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
