Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
