I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
