It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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