Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize