You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
