A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize