yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize