If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
