if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
